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  • Adriaan Nov 28, 2008 @ 6:07

    Rivers, plural?

  • Ken Wagner Nov 28, 2008 @ 19:37

    There I go toward the general again! Plural also saves syllables.

  • aj3d Nov 29, 2008 @ 5:35

    I think focus is more important than reducing syllables.

    You’re now at 13, “the river washes” (or “this river washes”) would make 15, skipping “as” (and adding a comma) would make 14… :shrugs:

    When you keep it general, it glides off easily. When you make it particular (THIS river), the readers can feel the cold water on their own skin. General is something that could happen or should happen. Particular is something that does happen right now.

  • Ken Wagner Nov 29, 2008 @ 21:27

    Good points,

    I remain stone
    still as rivers wash
    my body clean.