5 comments… add one
  • Adriaan Dec 4, 2008 @ 11:34

    Isn’t this a bit too one on one? The sunlight glistens, so I squint; the road is frozen over, so I shiver.

  • Ken Wagner Dec 4, 2008 @ 21:31

    I see your point, but I like this one.

    I like the contrast between the sensations – flash of the sun vs. cold freeze. Two different prompts, but the same reaction – the muscular contraction of a shiver or a squint. Yet, the two types of contractions are very different.

    I also like the rhythm and unexpected sounds.

    No?

  • Adriaan Dec 5, 2008 @ 4:41

    What if you change what’s longer and what’s shorter?

    Maybe like this: I squint and shiver / in the glistening sun. / This frozen road.

  • Ken Wagner Dec 5, 2008 @ 21:31

    Maybe it’s not good, but I like it. Woof!

  • Adriaan Dec 6, 2008 @ 6:07

    🙂

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