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  • Adriaan Jan 15, 2009 @ 5:44

    Have you tried making the headlights the shorter image and the raindrops bouncing the longer one?

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  • Ken Wagner Jan 17, 2009 @ 15:44

    You are always on target, Adriaan. What do you think about –

    Raindrops hit,
    bounce, then settle in lamp-lit
    puddles.

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  • Kris Jan 17, 2009 @ 20:26

    Actually prefer the first version. I like that it gives you that’s it’s road scene, seen from sidewalk or car.
    What follows is not a suggestion, but my own version from memories of the same sight:

    Heavy raindrops fall,
    bounce up from glinting puddles
    in headlights’ shine

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  • sanjay rajan Jan 18, 2009 @ 2:43

    i like raindrop bouncing…i can see it.

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  • sanjay rajan Jan 18, 2009 @ 2:45

    u might like this one…from england where it only rains. 🙂
    http://haikuexpeditions.com/2009/01/12/the-hotel/

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  • Dr Zen Jan 18, 2009 @ 9:57

    Colourless?
    Moon in sky,
    Rainbow..

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  • Dr Zen Jan 18, 2009 @ 10:00

    The rainy dawn,
    hidden by banana leaf
    butterflies dream…

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  • Ken Wagner Jan 18, 2009 @ 19:54

    Kris – Thanks for the feedback. Your poem captures the moment very well.
    sanjay – Thanks for the comment! I have enjoyed following your site. I’m a subscriber!
    Dr Zen – You have been quite active on Twitter! The two samples you posted here are quite nice and on point.

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  • Adriaan Jan 19, 2009 @ 7:24

    midnight drive…
    glistening raindrops bounce
    on a puddle.

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  • Ken Wagner Jan 19, 2009 @ 20:42

    I think you nailed it, Adriaan. By capturing the light with “glistening,” you were able to place the focus squarely on the motion of the raindrops. Great work!

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  • Maryam E. Rezagah Feb 11, 2010 @ 12:06

    Interesting! Different composition of words can describe the same scene! I liked the first version and Adriaan’s version 🙂

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