It’s never the same moon, is it? Thank god for that.
CraigFeb 4, 2009 @ 13:18
well, ken, i’ve had the urge to write you several times over the last few days to say, “i sure liked that haiku” – the word several is key of course – y’know my dad and i parked in front of my old house – people came out and asked what the f. we were doing there – however, my old dishwasher was parked in the driveway – feel free to use that…
Dave – Yes, many thanks are due. I wish I could preserve and prolong that awareness of thankfulness.
Craig – Thanks for the visit, old friend. Loved your haiku post (Swimming Dust). Gotta get you a site. Or, you can keep ’em coming here.
BillFeb 5, 2009 @ 11:17
Ken, picking up the discussion begun a few days ago (initiated by Matt), haiku commonly combines a 3-line format (in English,anyway) with a two-part structure: set-up & payoff, fragment & phrase, etc. You might have such a combination here if you dropped line 3 and rearranged the lineation
boyhood streets the same chill wind through the same bare trees
Line 3 introduces a third element to the structure, and, for me, compromises the power of the first two lines. Another way to go:
boyhood streets new moon through the bare trees
But, of course, your poems belong to you, and the final decision is always yours.
Bill – The feedback is very helpful, and I think your version reads very well.
Others have mentioned to me the two-part structure of haiku. I need to reconsider how I have been approaching the form.
maximaJan 24, 2012 @ 14:59
Yesterday, i was feeling blue, wanted to post a haiku about the new moon on my Facebook and stumbled across yours. I loved this one, think it’s very fine, posted it on FB with your name attributed (of course) and wanted to let you know that eight of my friends “liked” it.
It’s never the same moon, is it? Thank god for that.
well, ken, i’ve had the urge to write you several times over the last few days to say, “i sure liked that haiku” – the word several is key of course – y’know my dad and i parked in front of my old house – people came out and asked what the f. we were doing there – however, my old dishwasher was parked in the driveway – feel free to use that…
Dave – Yes, many thanks are due. I wish I could preserve and prolong that awareness of thankfulness.
Craig – Thanks for the visit, old friend. Loved your haiku post (Swimming Dust). Gotta get you a site. Or, you can keep ’em coming here.
Ken, picking up the discussion begun a few days ago (initiated by Matt), haiku commonly combines a 3-line format (in English,anyway) with a two-part structure: set-up & payoff, fragment & phrase, etc. You might have such a combination here if you dropped line 3 and rearranged the lineation
boyhood streets
the same chill wind through
the same bare trees
Line 3 introduces a third element to the structure, and, for me, compromises the power of the first two lines. Another way to go:
boyhood streets
new moon through
the bare trees
But, of course, your poems belong to you, and the final decision is always yours.
Bill – The feedback is very helpful, and I think your version reads very well.
Others have mentioned to me the two-part structure of haiku. I need to reconsider how I have been approaching the form.
Yesterday, i was feeling blue, wanted to post a haiku about the new moon on my Facebook and stumbled across yours. I loved this one, think it’s very fine, posted it on FB with your name attributed (of course) and wanted to let you know that eight of my friends “liked” it.